Case of the Ex-

So, I'm 31 years old. Old enough to have friends who are married with children. Old enough to be married with children of my own ('though not quite). But tonight I had an experience that brought to my awareness my true age. It had to do with finding an 'ex' online.

I had wondered about this guy, Brian, for a while. He and I met and dated for a few months a few years back. We hit it off, and had a pretty good connection. Then, he went away on a business trip, and never called me again. Not too big of a loss - I felt that 'though we had amazing chemistry, there was just a certain something missing - but it still stung, and I've carried it around as a kind of rejection ever since.

Tonight I had the crazy idea of just looking him up on Facebook, and I found him. And not only him, but his wife and adorable baby boy as well. Turns out that just after he and I dated, he met, fell in love with and married the love of his life. I went to their website, this very well-designed celebration of their love. I rejoice with him, and I'm happy for him. His wife is not nearly as cute as me, but I guess that just goes to show what true love will do to a person. ;-)

So, to all the ones I've loved and lost (or let go), I wish you happiness, success and a long life of fulfillment. Cheers!

A poem: The Moment

Right now is a dream come true.
and where am I?
Am I here with you?
Or am I dreaming (still!) of
what has
might have been
or will,
too caught up in the should or would
to be loving of the 'is?'
The brilliance of the fire;
the oneness that we feel;
all wrapped up in belonging to something that is real.
If I could hold this moment –
but there I go again,
not living in the present,
too wrapped up in the 'when?'
Like
When will I be famous?
and When will I be strong?
and When will all my dreaming
be sung out in a song?
To be here in this moment
is to surrender and let go
of everything I've seen and heard -
the things I think I know.
And even now this moment is
graced by what is here
as words and dreams and feelings are
spelled out, freed from fear.
Then gratitude from insight
and presence to the love
can keep this moment living
and bless-ed from above.

- Kristin Firestone, December 2006