It is finished.

I'm done
second-guessing myself
denying my truth
pretending like I don't know
wanting what I don't need
having what I don't want
looking for what I already have
putting off one more thing
thinking I have one more day
yearning and craving and discontenting
wasting time
giving myself away
withholding love from myself
being envious of other people's lives
watching from the sidelines
thinking I can't do it
telling myself that I'm not good enough
denying myself the right to live
hiding how I really feel
biting my tongue
believing any of the false things people say
believing in anything that I know isn't true
doubting myself
living as if I don't care
pretending it doesn't matter
looking for an exit
sitting on the edge
staying up too late
thinking it's cute
wasting precious energy
telling myself I don't deserve it
telling myself I'm not ready
pushing back
holding in
holding on
letting go
giving in
being sad
being angry
being anything
other than
me.

(C) 2012 Kristin Firestone

New Levels of Crazy in the New Year

Meet Priscilla:

Today I drove home from Chatsworth with a sock puppet on my hand.

Cute, huh? I made her today with my niece, Hannah. She made Maryax (what a name!) and I made Priscilla. Kinda took on a life of her own.

But did you catch the part where I said that I drove home with her on my hand?

Yeah.

So, I think that I've reached an all-new level of crazy tonight... AND, I am learning that I really, really enjoy entertaining people. Because all along the route, as Priscilla and I danced and sang along to the radio, I was hoping that people were looking. And maybe they were, but I wanted to act all non-chalant, as if nothing out-of-the-ordinary was happening. When I thought that was ridiculous and that I should be embarrassed, I realized how much I'd appreciate if I saw someone else doing the same thing on the freeway, and how I'd probably tell people about it, or at least get a good laugh out of it.

So, this is the year of doing things because I want to do them; doing what makes me FEEL GOOD, and what I enJOY, and what brings a smile to my face and emanates from my HEART.

So, world (that's 3 "SOs" in a row, btw), you can look out for the following to occur in 2012 because of my newfound preference for freedom:

~SINGING ALOUD IN THE GROCERY STORE.  (Ok. I already do that.)
~DANCING DOWN THE STREET.
~SINGING WITH MY SOCK PUPPET IN THE CAR. (Check!)
~SKIPPING.
~TALKING TO STRANGERS EVERYWHERE. (A stranger is just a friend you haven't met.)
~TELLING JOKES THAT AREN'T FUNNY.
~KARAOKE. Lots of it.
~DISNEYLAND. (Who's in??)
~VOICES.
~A RESURGENCE OF MUSICALS IN MY LIFE.
~LYRICAL DANCE.
~And much, much more.

Just want to warn you all who plan to hang out with me this year that any of this may be happening. If you'd like to participate, be in touch. If you'd prefer not to be involved, be my audience. God knows I love a good audience.

Peace & Joy in 2012,
~K