It is finished.

I'm done
second-guessing myself
denying my truth
pretending like I don't know
wanting what I don't need
having what I don't want
looking for what I already have
putting off one more thing
thinking I have one more day
yearning and craving and discontenting
wasting time
giving myself away
withholding love from myself
being envious of other people's lives
watching from the sidelines
thinking I can't do it
telling myself that I'm not good enough
denying myself the right to live
hiding how I really feel
biting my tongue
believing any of the false things people say
believing in anything that I know isn't true
doubting myself
living as if I don't care
pretending it doesn't matter
looking for an exit
sitting on the edge
staying up too late
thinking it's cute
wasting precious energy
telling myself I don't deserve it
telling myself I'm not ready
pushing back
holding in
holding on
letting go
giving in
being sad
being angry
being anything
other than
me.

(C) 2012 Kristin Firestone

A poem: I googled love

I googled love the other night

Taking too long to load, I cancelled the page

I wish I could do a search for how it used to feel to kiss you.

(C) 2009 Kristin Firestone

A poem: The Message Under the Door

Why, God, do I long so hard for so much?

I yearn today to the point of tears

for flowers already in my hands,

for just a little piece of land

For sweet caresses; a man’s touch

Someone to hold me who loves me so much

For success in projects and a focused goal

for dreams and visions, and to be made whole

For life and love and abundance abounding

to be open and sharing with courage resounding

to be close to your heart to the point I am burning

to not see mistakes, but to honor the learning

To give and let go, go big or go home

to know deep inside I’m not really alone

to grow so at peace with all that is true

to pick up my mat, rise and follow you

I want to be where you are – where are you?

I’m knocking out here – is there something else I should do?

I’m scared and it’s cold – I’ve been out here for days

And I feel so alone. Is there some other way?

to be in your house, to live in your room

to hear your sweet music

to bear in my womb

the love you’ve created – no – the love that you are

I want it so badly

Lord, you have my heart.

Lead me, O God, to the places and those

whose lives and whose souls will need me the most.

(C) 2011 Kristin Firestone

A poem: Women

women

night blossoms

opening, watching, waiting

gathered as humanity's hope

conspiracy

Arist: Joyce Polance
Title: Spill

I wrote this cinquain poem on the last day of a retreat I took to Spirit Mountain Retreat in Idyllwild, CA. The retreat focused on themes of autumn, earth connection and sacred cosmology. For me, the weekend was about being immersed in womanhood, watching, listening, learning and contributing, so that I can more fully embrace my Self and my Life as a woman in this world.  There were many gifts and lessons learned - far too many to name here - all which I will carry forward with me into this season  of the year and of my life.

As for this art piece, I just thought it depicted really well the concept of female conspiracy that I tried to capture in my poem. I like that it's risky. I think that being a woman sometimes (ok - usually) is.  Womanhood, for me, lived out in fullness, is a kind of conspiracy that we maintain and to which we contribute, silently sometimes, and fiercely other times. We are the bearers of hope. The universe's secret weapon for planet Earth.

(C) 2011 Kristin Firestone

A poem: Mutually Encouraged

We are inspired
We see our God
in one another
We have been called
each sister and brother
to share our lives
and give to the other
the gift of ourselves
no matter how raw,
unfinished, unwhole
to make perfect the plan
that God has begun
So let your light shine
and let your heart speak
Don't be afraid to share what you think
'Cause just as you fear and doubt and deny
the other is waiting to come look inside
to find all the answers they're seeking in vain
for which they need you to get through the pain
So stand up and witness
Break loose and run free
for here in this place
there's hope, can't you see?
As each of us shares in communion of love
we become one Body
one Lord from above
We speak and we share
We hold and endure
And in our great triumph
God's presence is known
For where two or three
come close in His name
we all are transformed,
made whole; we all gain
The power of love can conquer all fear
when we're willing to listen, come close
and draw near
So don't be afraid, and don't run away
This power of peace is with us to stay.

(C) 2011 Kristin Firestone

"...that we may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith..." Romans 1:12

A poem: Love Pursued

Love pursued me from behind; I ran the other way
I couldn’t stop for fear it’d take me rather far away
Love pursued – it did not stop – until I ran too far,
Then stooped and picked my sad heart up and took me to the car
We drove and drove through many miles of pain and strife and woe
Until I realized that this was not the way to go
So round-a-bout we made a turn back to the place we’d started
And rolled our sleeves up nice and high and (even heavy-hearted)
We dug and dug and dug ‘til we could scrape the ground no more
And wound up falling, naked, gasping right there on the floor
And just when I thought time had passed and I was all alone,
Love came and found me, picked me up and placed me on the phone
With one whose journey – there and gone – had found my resting place
And now love has me standing facing love in sweet embrace
Where will we go? I’m asking love, for I must know the way
‘It’s already inside you, love,’ my new love hears me say
And so it is through life and dream and story never told
That I begin – here – from the start with love impassioned, bold
No matter where our journey leads,
‘Round hills and dales and bends
We know the journey home to love is one which does not end
For right when we’ve held up our hands in desperateness and pleas
Love looks at us, has mercy, rises up from on our knees
And so, my friend, whenever you feel lost and so afraid
Remember all that you have learned – the promises Love’s made
And go wherever tide and season, bliss and yearning lead
Into the arms of one who’ll never leave your soul in need
For deep within the heart of every woman, child and man
Are seeds of Love to grow you home right back where you began
It is a circle ever spun, this life we live of ours
And love is in the center of it giving us its powers
With strength and power deep and sure it rescues empty hearts
With love and deep compassion calling always for all parts
of us to come together, mend and bind and come as one
Into the arms of love where one is never ever done
Completion, wholeness are our gifts to cherish in this life
But love - sweet love - is something that will never, never die


- Kristin Firestone, August 2010