A Word from God

Back on March 11, I was praying. I was reminiscing about how God used to see me; how I used to feel God watching me. And I heard God say this:

"I'm still watching."

I remembered the words of Psalm 33.

Then, I picked up my pen and got down what God spoke to me next.


A Word from God:

"I see your innermost heart.
I know who you are deep down to the core.
I know what you want, but I also know what you need. I will lead you to where I know your heart will be satisfied - to where you will be fed by my body and blood - the very stuff of life.
You are priest, prophet and king. You are my beloved.
I will take care of you
even if you doubt I am there.
Even if you think you've lost your way.
I will deliver you - send you forth from this place where you are to the places you will go.
And I will make of you an example, and make of your life a covenant,
so that through you I will demonstrate my neverending love for my people, for the people who come to me and wait for me in hope.
Wait with me in hope. Wait and never be tired of waiting.
Everything you want and need in life, if it is true, will be done for you,
through me in time.
No need to rush, no need to hurry. Take it slow. I go with you, I am in you.
You want this all said and done so you can relax, but I'm telling you that my will and my way and my love is neverending.
It's a path that leads to eternal life.
So do unto others as you'd have done to you.
Love without cost or measure; forgive and reconcile.
Yours is the reconciliation of nations.
The seeing eye to eye and becoming one.
The perfect and imperfect, the lowly and the rich, the hungry and well fed.
Yours is the coming together of the realities of life.
Your life is to reconcile and make beautiful what seems different, but is really the same."

(C) 2012 Kristin Firestone

Dear God,

I want to get married.
I want to BE married.
And raise children (more than one, please).
I want to pour Sunny Delight in a sunny kitchen with a window over the sink,
and do laundry,
and play soccer with my kids in the park (I know I don't really like playing sports, but I'd do it with my kids).

I'd like to join the PTA so I can influence the education system, and also be an example of peace and patience for the other parents who may drive themselves and each other crazy.

And then I want to take my family on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land where we learn about the foundations of the Judeo-Christian faith and explore the places where Jesus lived and died... and rose again.

I want to go backpacking with my husband (before the kids, of course - it just seems too difficult with little ones, and by the time they're big, I might be too old :)

If it's ok, I'd also like to have a nice home with plenty of space to house guests, and a husband who's totally open to the idea of taking in friends and even strangers (trustworthy) year-round and not just during major holidays.

Is it ok if we're really musical? You know how much I love music. And I'm alright with my husband not being a great musician himself, but, God, I really need him to love music - a lot. My kids are going to be musically talented in some way (highly likely), so it's important to me that he appreciate the place of music and artistic endeavors in life.

Oh, and while you're at it, please make him strong (inside and out), handsome, charming, funny, kind, witty, smart, open-minded, patient, peaceful, happy, healthy, and someone who enjoys talking as much as I do. 'Cause I need a lot of good conversation.

So, there you have it. Consider this my request, please. Of course, I know that in Your Infinite Wisdom, you will send me the man that I NEED before I'll get the one I WANT. If there's a way for them to be one-and-the-same, I will be in full support of receiving THAT!

~Kristin

The untouchable

Upon recommendation of my friend Danielle Rose (whose advice I take to heart), I went to Mass today (and intend to do so every day of Advent. I know - this is unusual for me, but I need my time with Jesus really bad right now).

As I walked to St. Vincent Church, just on the corner of Adams & Figueroa for noon Mass, the thought kept turning over in my mind, "Wait for a miracle." I have been reading, hearing and praying about miracles lately - about God doing something extraordinary with an ordinary moment...or person. Which, though I have lots of gifts and talents (thank God), I am. Just an ordinary person with big hopes and dreams.

So, I walked into the church and followed my intuition to enter the far right door in the back. And as I walked up the aisle to take a seat near the front, a man and I approached one another from opposite directions. He was visibly dirty and smelled bad - a "homeless man." As we got close we both waved. And then as we got closer, he held out his hand to shake mine. And there we stood, hand in hand, for a little while. He looked down and our hands and I looked at him, quietly. He rubbed his thumb back and forth over my thumb. And then I said, softly, "Peace be with you." He pulled me close for a hug and we stood in an embrace for a little longer than a few seconds. I thought that I could maybe say nothing more, and just let the moment be, still and quiet and stinky. :) But I said, "God loves you," after which he pulled away slowly and walked on down the aisle. As I headed toward my seat in the 2nd row, a man in the pew who'd been watching smiled up at me.

I sat in my seat reflecting on this experience that had just passed. Clearly, I thought, this was a small miracle. That I had shown up to church this morning for my "date with Jesus" (Danielle helped me identify that) and then met a man who clearly needed me in the moment. I was there for him - a flesh and bone gift - a human being willing to embrace and be embraced. It was like destiny. And I laughed to myself as the irony of the situation dawned on me, and I recognized God's humor in the situation. I have been praying so hard for God to send me a man... THE man. And I've been longing and lusting so hard after that man (or any man, let's be honest) that God decided to send me a sign that, indeed, my prayers are being heard. I did, in fact, meet a man in church (go figure), but not for the purpose that I had in mind. See, God can turn the desires in my heart into his desires for my heart. And God knew that I needed to encounter someone like this man today to show me that to really love, and to really be an instrument of peace, I need to be willing to go where God needs me and share my love with whoever God puts into my path.

I didn't look around the church for a potential husband today (I do that a lot:). Today, I sat in my own homeless stink connecting with the untouchable Christ. And I thought about the need of that man who reached out to me today, and how it may have been years since he had his arms around a woman. And I quieted my complaining and impatient heart that constantly asks God, "When?" When is it my turn? And I hear God tell me that I what I have today is sufficient enough. The love that I need will be given to me in God's time and God's way.

What do you want of me, Lord? Where do you want me to serve you? Where can I sing your praises? I am your song. - lyrics from Servant Song by Donna Marie Margill, OSM

A Day of Gratitude

Hello, friends,

With Thanksgiving fast approaching, and the end of the year coming, I am anxious to learn how to live in gratitude more and more for what is in my life at this time. I felt called to develop this Day of Gratitude just this morning, and worked to get it up before the end of the day. I'm so happy to share it with you and hope that you find the exercises that I've found and/or written to be helpful to you this holiday season.

I plan to spend my whole day tomorrow working through these various experiences as a way of beginning my celebration of Thanksgiving, and I intend to continue through Christmas and into the new year. My approach is to do it all in one shot, having a kind of "retreat" in my own life all day tomorrow. I know not everyone can afford to do that. That's ok; the exercises work as stand-alone activities as well, so pick and choose what looks good and go for it any day, any time.

Whatever way you use to Experience and Express more gratitude in your life is worth it! I hope you'll share with me and others by commenting here about what is helpful for you, and how you found using any of these activities.

Enjoy and be In Joy!

~Kristin

A Day of Gratitude
(C) 2011 Kristin Firestone
Developed by Kristin Firestone
for Thanksgiving 2011
(www.kristinfirestone.blogspot.com)

Suggested Schedule

8:00 am - Morning Meditation: Anchoring in Grace

8:30 am - Waking Up to Thankfulness and Getting Ready

9:30 am - Establishing an Attitude of Gratitude

10:00 am- Your “Usual Business” (You may have work to complete or errands to run. Or maybe you’ll spend some time catching up on the news, or exercising. Remember to maintain your awareness of what you are doing while you are doing it and, of course, to experience and express gratitude as it comes up throughout this time.)

11:00 am - Reflecting on People As Gifts

12:00 noon - Eating a Meal

                          

1:00 pm - Counting Your Blessings (Watch Them Grow!)

2:00 pm - Praise and Worship

2:30 pm - Resting, Playing, Time with a Friend, Time in Nature, etc.

4:00 pm - Sharing Gratitude: Writing a Gratitude Letter        

5:00 pm - Resting, Eating a Meal, Going Out, etc.

Before bed - Thinking Thankfully

A poem: The Message Under the Door

Why, God, do I long so hard for so much?

I yearn today to the point of tears

for flowers already in my hands,

for just a little piece of land

For sweet caresses; a man’s touch

Someone to hold me who loves me so much

For success in projects and a focused goal

for dreams and visions, and to be made whole

For life and love and abundance abounding

to be open and sharing with courage resounding

to be close to your heart to the point I am burning

to not see mistakes, but to honor the learning

To give and let go, go big or go home

to know deep inside I’m not really alone

to grow so at peace with all that is true

to pick up my mat, rise and follow you

I want to be where you are – where are you?

I’m knocking out here – is there something else I should do?

I’m scared and it’s cold – I’ve been out here for days

And I feel so alone. Is there some other way?

to be in your house, to live in your room

to hear your sweet music

to bear in my womb

the love you’ve created – no – the love that you are

I want it so badly

Lord, you have my heart.

Lead me, O God, to the places and those

whose lives and whose souls will need me the most.

(C) 2011 Kristin Firestone

A poem: Mutually Encouraged

We are inspired
We see our God
in one another
We have been called
each sister and brother
to share our lives
and give to the other
the gift of ourselves
no matter how raw,
unfinished, unwhole
to make perfect the plan
that God has begun
So let your light shine
and let your heart speak
Don't be afraid to share what you think
'Cause just as you fear and doubt and deny
the other is waiting to come look inside
to find all the answers they're seeking in vain
for which they need you to get through the pain
So stand up and witness
Break loose and run free
for here in this place
there's hope, can't you see?
As each of us shares in communion of love
we become one Body
one Lord from above
We speak and we share
We hold and endure
And in our great triumph
God's presence is known
For where two or three
come close in His name
we all are transformed,
made whole; we all gain
The power of love can conquer all fear
when we're willing to listen, come close
and draw near
So don't be afraid, and don't run away
This power of peace is with us to stay.

(C) 2011 Kristin Firestone

"...that we may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith..." Romans 1:12

Inspirational Prayers

Just sharing. :-)


A Prayer for Dreamers and Artists
by Vienna Cobb Anderson

We pray for the dreamers of this life, O God,
for those persons who imagine new possibilities,
who long for what others cannot perceive,
who spin dreams of wonder and majesty in their minds.
Defend them from ridicule and harsh criticism,
from self-doubt and lack of faith in their dreams,
and from abandonment of this call to make things new.
Grant that from their dreams
may come forth blessings for humankind
to enrich the quality of life
and the wonderment of us all.
Amen.




A Prayer for Openness
by Joyce Rupp


Spirit of freedom,
open my mind and my heart.
Lift the barriers, 
unbind the strong grasp of my demands
when I want everything to go my way.

God of spaciousness,
reach into my inner space,
sweep out all the old clutter,
enlarge my capacity to receive.

Bringer of truth,
empty me of whatever impedes
the growth of our relationship.
Help me recognize and accept 
your sources for my growth.

Creator of the seasons of life,
soften my resistance to emptying.
May I welcome each inner season 
as a catalyst for my transformation.

Faithful Friend,
deepen my trust in you.
Ease my doubts, fears, and discouragements.
When I am feeling vulnerable,
remind me that you are my safe haven.

Holy Whisper,
open the ears of my heart.
May I hear your voice within the silence
as well as within the noise of my life.
Re-awaken me 
so that I can listen to you wholeheartedly.

Bringer of Good and Giver of Growth,
we yearn to be open and receptiveto your generosity.                                                                  May we trust your presence amidst the cycle 


of emptying and filling.

God in the Gazebo

Everyone knows that to get college students to an event, one must serve food. And not just any food. Free food. So, when I decided that I wanted to launch a new type of event at the Mount called "God in the Gazebo," my friend and fellow campus minister, Gaile, suggested that I start with something a little more accessible, and that I definitely serve food. So, we advertized "Snacks in the Gazebo," a chance for students to come out of their dorms and enter a structure that had previously been closed to them: a tall, stone gazebo, looking something like Rapunzel's tower. Straight out of a storybook (like most of the buildings here at MSMC's Doheny campus). The flyer was a night shot of the gazebo lit up from the inside and from on top the tower, beckoning like a lighthouse into the night. "Spooky" is how one student described the building, which sits closed, locked and tucked away into a corner of the property just beyond where anyone would typically travel. Getting girls out there would require something tantalizing, and getting them to come back, something creative.

I went around with cookies at 7:30, hoping to entice them with my invitation to come out at 9 for said snacks. But when I had made it through half of a floor and my cookie plate was nearly empty (& after I realized I wouldn't have enough snacks for all the girls who said they were coming), I decided to abort that operation and just head for set up. The crew met me in my room (Flor, Jas & Tina) and we took to transforming the creepy, abandoned tower into a space fit for guests. The spread was bountiful, the candles plenty, and the incense sweet. Soft ambient music played from Flor's iPod (an eclectic blend of Japanese, Celtic and other peace-inducing melodies) and "Snacks in the Gazebo" began. As girls arrived, they gathered in around the food table, munching and talking. I could almost hear the sigh of relief as some of them shared that this was their study break, and now the smoke and soft light could whisk them away to another place, even if for a moment.

I enjoyed my talks with many of the young ladies, as I listened to them share about their adjustment to college life, courses of study and stresses. I even found some Valley girls here - some ladies who grew up in and attended school in my hometown of Canoga Park. Some faces and names were new, and others I encountered again for second and third times. My struggle is remembering their names. I hope to get better at that.

Tonight, I felt a presence in that Gazebo. Particularly, I felt the presence of the spirit of one person supporting me - one whose ministry greatly influenced me in direct and indirect ways throughout and beyond my own college experience: Sr. Peg Dolan. She had such a beautiful way of communicating God's presence to groups and individuals just by being herself, listening well and sharing carefully-chosen words of wisdom and encouragement. Thankfully, with the help of her spirit and the Holy Spirit, a lot of candllight, and some food, people came together just a little more closely tonight. We seemed to float on grace. I'm grateful (and only a little surprised) that, despite the culinary focus, we did encounter God in the Gazebo tonight, after all.

A Love Prayer of Surrender

I want to share a prayer I wrote this morning in my meditation (which was great to return to). If you don't like the religious language ("God" and "lord" you can just replace it with "Love." I'm working on making them seamlessly interchangable for myself. :)

O God, make it so that what I desire
is only that which will lead me to you.
I want to worship you with all of my heart
and strength
and mind
and body
and soul.
I want to be yours forever. And if there's anything that stands in the way of that -
any thoughts, words, deeds or activities -
I surrender them all to you now, Love, lord of my life.
You are the One I seek.
You are the One I long for.
You are the only God for me - Love and Light,
sweetness and surrender, bliss and warmth
and destiny.
I am willing to wade through all of the rest
if only I can be assured of your great Love waiting for me there.
I seek you - I yearn for you with my entire being.
My whole Self declares today a day of the lord.
You have chosen me for your inheritance.
Out of the crowd you selected me to be one of your own -
to love and be loved freely and without reserve.
I long for this love and I am this love.
I am you, Love.
Your words are spirit and life in my blood.
your love is my sustenance.

Without you, I will surely die.

Random Acts

A random cute guy steps up to get his change from Surjit at the 76 station window: 3 fives and a quarter. "Add this to the fund," he says and slides the quarter back through the tray toward the massive expanse of my change that has taken over the counter. Surjit has already counted 8 of the 10 dollars I brought in my ziplock bag, which I counted earlier this morning to be precisely $10, and of which I refused to lose $0.98 to the coin count machine at Albertson's for a service charge. (If I had, by the way, agreed to buy one of the offered gift cards with my change, the machine would've counted my money for free, but being that they are my last $10 until Friday, I was not willing to lose even that .098 on the dollar.).

Ah, Simi Valley. Where the kindness of strangers reaches out as freely as the rays of sunshine through my second-story bedroom window. I am thankful today to be living in such a friendly place, where a random act of kindness from Random Cute Guy wearing an FBI t-shirt and a smile is surpassed only by the sweetness of Surjit who, when I apologized for bringing him a bag of coins, leaned in and said to me, "That's ok - everyone's broke right now."

In the spirit of this blog's title, I have selected a 'random' line from the book of Acts (the biblical Acts of the Apostles). I've chosen chapter 8 (my pump #) and verse 10 (the dollar amount of my bill), just for fun. I think it has relevance, or maybe it is just truly random. You can decide: All of them, from the least to the greatest, paid attention to him, saying, "This man is the 'Power of God' that is called 'Great.'" (Acts of the apostles, 8:10).

Or, perhaps, we'll go with chapter 10, verse 25 (my bill after Random Cute Guy's contribution), which reads, "When Peter entered, Cornelius met him and, falling at his feet, paid him homage." Well, that doesn't really say much of anything, so let's throw in the next line: "Peter, however, raised him up, saying, 'Get up. I myself am also a human being.'"

Aren't we all? Some much more than others.

Thanks, guys.

Peace,
Kristin