Thursday, December 29, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
The untouchable
Upon recommendation of my friend Danielle Rose (whose advice I take to heart), I went to Mass today (and intend to do so every day of Advent. I know - this is unusual for me, but I need my time with Jesus really bad right now).
As I walked to St. Vincent Church, just on the corner of Adams & Figueroa for noon Mass, the thought kept turning over in my mind, "Wait for a miracle." I have been reading, hearing and praying about miracles lately - about God doing something extraordinary with an ordinary moment...or person. Which, though I have lots of gifts and talents (thank God), I am. Just an ordinary person with big hopes and dreams.
So, I walked into the church and followed my intuition to enter the far right door in the back. And as I walked up the aisle to take a seat near the front, a man and I approached one another from opposite directions. He was visibly dirty and smelled bad - a "homeless man." As we got close we both waved. And then as we got closer, he held out his hand to shake mine. And there we stood, hand in hand, for a little while. He looked down and our hands and I looked at him, quietly. He rubbed his thumb back and forth over my thumb. And then I said, softly, "Peace be with you." He pulled me close for a hug and we stood in an embrace for a little longer than a few seconds. I thought that I could maybe say nothing more, and just let the moment be, still and quiet and stinky. :) But I said, "God loves you," after which he pulled away slowly and walked on down the aisle. As I headed toward my seat in the 2nd row, a man in the pew who'd been watching smiled up at me.
I sat in my seat reflecting on this experience that had just passed. Clearly, I thought, this was a small miracle. That I had shown up to church this morning for my "date with Jesus" (Danielle helped me identify that) and then met a man who clearly needed me in the moment. I was there for him - a flesh and bone gift - a human being willing to embrace and be embraced. It was like destiny. And I laughed to myself as the irony of the situation dawned on me, and I recognized God's humor in the situation. I have been praying so hard for God to send me a man... THE man. And I've been longing and lusting so hard after that man (or any man, let's be honest) that God decided to send me a sign that, indeed, my prayers are being heard. I did, in fact, meet a man in church (go figure), but not for the purpose that I had in mind. See, God can turn the desires in my heart into his desires for my heart. And God knew that I needed to encounter someone like this man today to show me that to really love, and to really be an instrument of peace, I need to be willing to go where God needs me and share my love with whoever God puts into my path.
I didn't look around the church for a potential husband today (I do that a lot:). Today, I sat in my own homeless stink connecting with the untouchable Christ. And I thought about the need of that man who reached out to me today, and how it may have been years since he had his arms around a woman. And I quieted my complaining and impatient heart that constantly asks God, "When?" When is it my turn? And I hear God tell me that I what I have today is sufficient enough. The love that I need will be given to me in God's time and God's way.
What do you want of me, Lord? Where do you want me to serve you? Where can I sing your praises? I am your song. - lyrics from Servant Song by Donna Marie Margill, OSM
As I walked to St. Vincent Church, just on the corner of Adams & Figueroa for noon Mass, the thought kept turning over in my mind, "Wait for a miracle." I have been reading, hearing and praying about miracles lately - about God doing something extraordinary with an ordinary moment...or person. Which, though I have lots of gifts and talents (thank God), I am. Just an ordinary person with big hopes and dreams.
So, I walked into the church and followed my intuition to enter the far right door in the back. And as I walked up the aisle to take a seat near the front, a man and I approached one another from opposite directions. He was visibly dirty and smelled bad - a "homeless man." As we got close we both waved. And then as we got closer, he held out his hand to shake mine. And there we stood, hand in hand, for a little while. He looked down and our hands and I looked at him, quietly. He rubbed his thumb back and forth over my thumb. And then I said, softly, "Peace be with you." He pulled me close for a hug and we stood in an embrace for a little longer than a few seconds. I thought that I could maybe say nothing more, and just let the moment be, still and quiet and stinky. :) But I said, "God loves you," after which he pulled away slowly and walked on down the aisle. As I headed toward my seat in the 2nd row, a man in the pew who'd been watching smiled up at me.
I sat in my seat reflecting on this experience that had just passed. Clearly, I thought, this was a small miracle. That I had shown up to church this morning for my "date with Jesus" (Danielle helped me identify that) and then met a man who clearly needed me in the moment. I was there for him - a flesh and bone gift - a human being willing to embrace and be embraced. It was like destiny. And I laughed to myself as the irony of the situation dawned on me, and I recognized God's humor in the situation. I have been praying so hard for God to send me a man... THE man. And I've been longing and lusting so hard after that man (or any man, let's be honest) that God decided to send me a sign that, indeed, my prayers are being heard. I did, in fact, meet a man in church (go figure), but not for the purpose that I had in mind. See, God can turn the desires in my heart into his desires for my heart. And God knew that I needed to encounter someone like this man today to show me that to really love, and to really be an instrument of peace, I need to be willing to go where God needs me and share my love with whoever God puts into my path.
I didn't look around the church for a potential husband today (I do that a lot:). Today, I sat in my own homeless stink connecting with the untouchable Christ. And I thought about the need of that man who reached out to me today, and how it may have been years since he had his arms around a woman. And I quieted my complaining and impatient heart that constantly asks God, "When?" When is it my turn? And I hear God tell me that I what I have today is sufficient enough. The love that I need will be given to me in God's time and God's way.
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