She called this morning as school was starting. She was in the halls as her classmates were shuffling into their classrooms, talking to me in hushed tones over the sound of the morning bell and announcements. I was in my pajamas, sitting in front of a table of hot chai tea and bran flakes, counseling a young girl in the midst of a pregnancy scare. Last night things got hot and heavy with her boyfriend, and they took it one step too far. Nothing to likely produce a real need for concern (she shared with me exactly how far they took it and it sounds very unlikely - thought not impossible - that she'd get pregnant), but enough to send her mind reeling with possibilities and fear. She hadn't intended on having sex with him, but things just happened, as they will.
I found myself faced with a really interesting and incredible opportunity. Here I was, her former Catholic high school religion teacher, and I didn't use it as an opportunity to push the church's agenda or try and convince her of what the "right thing to do" would be. I simply listened, acknowledged her fears, and tried to calm her down. We talked about condoms, and the "morning-after pill" (on which she had done extensive research and knew more about it than me), and the importance of setting limits with her boyfriend and asking him to honor them. We talked about getting clear on what she wanted and didn't want, and being willing to honor that for herself. I asked her if she felt she could go to either of her parents with her concern, and she mentioned that she'd trust her dad to be there for her. I encouraged her to tell her dad and give him the chance to support her. We talked about the sacredness of sex and how, when exercised appropriately, it is a really amazing, beautiful act to share with someone you really love, and how I wouldn't want her to taint it for herself by associating it with fear and panic. I told her to spend the day really centered and listening to her heart...and to talk to her dad.
Maybe someone would say that I expected way too much introspection and maturity from a 15-year-old girl, but I felt really called to strengthen her with affirmation and support, not covering her with shame and warnings. Maybe I should've called her school counselor. But, you know, for whatever reason, she reached out to me, and that's what I felt called to share with her. I felt strong, and useful.
Honestly, I wanted to hug her, but I couldn't, so I did what I could to express my care and support in words. Tonight, I sent her this message on Facebook as a follow-up:
"After we talked this morning, I was thinking about how courageous and strong you are to be willing to deal with your actions and your feelings as you have. I really acknowledge you for demonstrating that maturity and care for yourself. You are a work in progress, and as you grow it is so important to be able to acknowledge yourself for the positive things you do, as well as hold yourself to your own standards with honor and grace. My continued prayer for you will be that you can know and love yourself more and more, and that your actions in your life can be a closer and closer reflection of who you really are. You are a beautiful, loving and caring young woman deserving of love and respect, and I hope that you embrace that wholeheartedly."
This was really an opening - a portal - pregnant with possibility (pun intended) to extend loving, understanding and compassion. I only hope I did well with the chance I had. There really are no easy answers. What I wrote to her, I take in for myself tonight, and it is my wish for every person, at any age and any stage of life. Forgiveness, acceptance, learning and moving forward. That's all we can do.
Peace.
~Kristin
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